


my muscles will contract, your bones will crack (it's just a fact cause i am here to win this fight)

by exhibit



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, F/F, F/M, Frottage, Implied Torture, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Parabatai Feels, Rimming, Selective Mutism!Jace, Timeline? What Timeline?, Vaginal Fingering, pls let me know if i need to tag anything for you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-10-02 15:26:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10221350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exhibit/pseuds/exhibit
Summary: nearly two and a half years have passed since jace wayland was kidnapped by valentine morgenstern.valentine's army destroyed the shadowing world, burning down institutes, killing anyone standing in his way, and nearly wiping out all downworlders. the rest live in fear. the clave is in fear of what's to come.even more so now that jace was home.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> first fic into the fandom. hi. comments and kudos are much appreciated!

the pack only consisted of maia, raj, eliot and himself now. luke was still rightfully the alpha but maia took charge more often than not. they were nomadic at best, no real homes to go too. it wasn't safe to stick around one place for too long ever since valentine declared war but luke couldn't bring himself to fully get out of the city, his roots were seeded.

he sighed, a huff of air coming through his muzzle as he slowly treaded through the dense woods by the river's edge. the ground was damp with slippery leaves and his paws sank into the mud with every step.

the wind shifted and he sniffed. his ears perked and he gave a warning howl.  
maia was on his right flank, her back arched in a prowl stance.

luke sniffed the air once more, with his nose toward the sky and he couldn't be mistaken. it was a scent he hadn't smelled in some years.

luke quickly shifted, shaking out of fur and into flesh. his brow pulled into a tight knit as he stared down at the body of an unrecognizable jace wayland.

he was nude, lying face down in the mud. his body was bare of any runes, nothing but textured skin now.

burns.

his back was marred with raised and overlapping lines. a roadmap of torture. and it made luke’s stomach churn that his ex-parabatai could do something so horrific to his own son.

it only made luke wonder what else had jace endured.

"son of a bitch." luke crouched down, pushed the long matted blond hair back and jace's mismatched eyes slowly opened as his body shook and shivered, maybe from the drizzle or the shock or both. water droplets landed on his long dark lashes.

"jace?" luke spoke gently as he a gave grim smile."you've been missed for a long time, son."

howls sounded all around him.

*

when jace awoke, it was in darkness and for a fleeting moment, his heart stopped with fear that he was back with valentine. but the bed was warm and solid beneath him and he could smell the linen and the familiarity that he couldn't remember.

the only source of light was the crack under the bedroom door and there were muffled talking outside of it. he tossed the sheets off as he threw his legs over the side of the bed. he was wearing sweats that were too long and a long sleeved olive henley.

jace pressed his ear to the door but he couldn't make out any real solid words but something like his own name. he cracked the door open and slowly padded out of the room, down the dimly lit hallway and as he stepped into the main room, magnus shushes everyone and all eyes turn to him.

jace suddenly felt queasy as he stared into faces of people he hardly recognized anymore.

his eyes first fell on alec. he was no longer the tall and lanky parabatai that he left behind. he had a thick coat of scruff coating his jaw and he seemed more muscular now.

luke though, looked worn and tired, graying around the edges of his temples.

magnus hadn't aged a day and he looked glittery and fierce as he always had. he didn't expect any less of the warlock.

he was surprised to see that clary and izzy were nowhere in sight.

jace moved past them to the wall of windows and looked out at the brooklyn skyline. it had changed since the last time he had seen it. magnus stepped up beside him, his fingertips glowing blue as he ran the magnetic energy down the length of jace's spine and jace quickly knocked magnus' hand away.

alec came around his other side, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth."are you hungry? we've got chinese."

jace's eyes shifted to alec and he wondered how can they look at him like this when they didn't know the war raging inside of him.

*

it had been weeks since jace's return. he didn’t talk. didn’t dare open his mouth, fear of screams coming out instead of any coherent words. the thought alone embarrassed him.

looking at himself in the mirror was hard.

he didn't look anything like he remembered. his hair down past his shoulders, lighter in color too. his body was leaner with less muscle, all the days he was starved took its toll but the worst, was his body.

there were no runes.

he looked like a fucked up patchwork quilt.

jace's fist collided into the mirror.

*

jace was lying on the couch watching some trash tv when a portal opened behind the couch, the reflection on the screen. alec and magnus came out, carrying bags in their hands and in a middle of a conversation.

"alexander, you know i can't do that."

"can’t or won’t?” 

Jace could hear a sigh from magnus.

“mags, he hasn't said one fucking word. to you or me. he just looks so dead inside and i can't help him."

jace hated the pain and desperation that he could hear laced in alec's voice and knowing he was the cause.

"all i'm asking is for you to just pull a few thoughts and memories and we can see what we're dealing with."

jace slowly sits up and he isn't sure how to feel knowing what alec wanted magnus to do without even asking and the thought that magnus could see the things he had to endure, made his stomach hurt. he would never want anyone to see what happened while he was locked away for those two years.

alec's eyes widen and he drops the bags onto the counter, turning to face jace."shit."

jace slowly moves from the couch and alec tries to grab his arm but jace skirts around it, drawing his arm up.

"jace. wait."

alec turned to magnus with a scowl when jace's door slammed shut.

*

it's late and quiet in the loft. magnus had cooked a dinner fit for a king as simon and raphael were guests. jace didn't care much for simon but he seemed to be the only one who didn't treat jace like he had been gone for two years and simon was still awkward and easily intimidated by jace, stammering on all his words but jace liked to hear the rambling.

jace was elbow deep in dishwater when magnus came up behind him. Jace could smell the expensive cologne he wore. magnus pulled the elastic from jace’s hair, running his fingers through the long blonde hair.

“we can see about getting you a haircut if you would like.”

And of course jace said nothing but continued to scrub at a plate.

“i know that you must still feel a bit angry at alexander for what he asked of me but you must know it’s just because he’s so worried about you, so scared. you’re not the same jace wayland that left us and that’s expected and no one’s faulting you for that but your silence is a strong and frightening presence.” magus lightly scratched at jace’s scalp and he could swear he heard a moan deep inside jace’s chest.

“alexander almost died.” magnus juts his chin toward the livingroom where alec was seated with luke, simon and raphael. 

jace could hear the soft sounds of laughter and banter and jace hated that he couldn’t feel that. jace’s gaze found alec in a second, he had his head thrown back in a laugh and he never looked more beautiful, jace thought he might cry.

“he was so fucking heartbroken that he couldn’t save you, the guilt ate at him. he worked himself to the bone and nothing was ever good enough for him. he _needed_ to find you and he was going to make damn sure of that. but then valentine declared war and he burned down every institute from here to california and no one was safe anymore. circle members were getting more and more and finally the clave took action and took all former circle members to idris.”

jace’s eyes flashed to magnus’ in surprise.

“the shadow world was in complete disarray and there was still no you. for weeks, months and then finally, he could no longer feel your bond. he mourned you, we all did but even then, if there was any lead, he was out there because he still had hope that he would find you."

jace could still feel his runes being burned off and the smell of his own burnt flesh, how agonizing the pain was and valentine’s words to him as he laughed manically that he was no longer a shadowhunter and he was not the soldier that valentine thought he was, had raised him to be. just a disappointment.

jace’s stomach lurched and he braced himself on the sink as he threw up in the sink, chunks of undigested food and bile tangling with soapy water. jace reached up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

magnus’ face softened as he turned jace around and jace’s eyes wouldn’t meet his face.”you don’t have to suffer alone. not anymore. not ever again. we would all make sure of that but you can’t keep this all to yourself.”

jace sniffed and wipeed at his face as he pushed past magnus and briskly moved down the hallway and into his bedroom.


	2. ii

alec stormed into the loft and goes straight to the wet bar. he guzzled from a bottle of bourbon when magnus walked in and pried the bottle from alec’s hands causing liquid to dribble down his chin and alec shoots him a glare but magnus just raised his eyebrows in questioning.

“fucking aldertree wants to talk to jace.” alec spit out the word _talk_ like it was toxic and magnus’ brows furrow at the statement. alec grabbed the bottle from magnus and took a long swig, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ”you should have fucking heard him with that accusatory tone in his voice.” alec snorted with a shake of his head. “bastard. ever since jace went through that portal, it’s all everyone thought. that he sided with valentine because why wouldn’t he? kike father like son or some bullshit like that. even my own fucking mother.”

“alexander.” magnus softly spoke as he reached for the bottle but alec took a step back from magnus, nearly stumbling over his feet like a newborn calf, and clutching the bottle with his hand.

“he’s been gone for two year. two fucking years and what? aldertree thinks he just suddenly popped back from who knows fuck where to what? god, he’s such a pompous asshole.” alec rubbed at his face at the thought of having jace face aldertree knowing the length that aldertree would go to get any answers from jace.

magnus jerked the bottle from alec who can't seem to fight back and lets magnus have it. ”dinner’s almost done, why don’t you go get cleaned up and get jace from his room?”

alec reluctantly walks away, grumbling about aldertree under his breath.

*

aldertree came to the loft three days later and by the disdain look on his face, magnus knew being in a warlock's, any downworlders for that matter, home wasn't what he was accustomed too and if this wasn’t for jace and wasn’t for catching valentine, magnus would have thrown aldertree out on his ass.

alec stood with his arms folded across his chest, looking like a guard dog, next to the couch where jace was sitting in gray sweats and a black t-shirt, his hair was a tangled mess cascading down to his shoulders.

and if aldertree was being honest, this man sitting on the couch looked nothing like the mouthy and cocky shadowhunter that had been a thorn in his side and his face softened as he took a seat in the arm chair adjacent to the couch.

“it’s great to finally see you again, jace. i just need you to answer a few questions and i’ll be out of your hair.”

jace meets aldertree’s eyes but says nothing.

aldertree glanced to alec with a weary look as he began his questioning to jace who stayed quiet the entire time aldertree asked question after question but it was clear that aldertree wouldn’t be getting the answers he had hoped and alec was almost sure that if jace could talk, he wouldn’t dare give aldertree answers. 

aldertree’s voice began to falter after the fifth question and glancing to alec for any help in getting jace to open his mouth but alec just turned his back and aldertree cleared his throat. ”well. i see this clearly isn’t going as expected.” he stood up and smoothed out his suit as magnus walked him to the door and he nearly bumped into magnus when he turned around, a question playing on his lips. ”is he purposely being uncooperative or…”

“jace hasn’t spoken a word since he was found.” magnus reached around aldertree and pulled open his door and aldertree hummed an acknowledgment before he was crossing the threshold.

as soon as magnus shut the door, jace bolted off the couch and thumped his way down the hall, magnus waited for jace’s door to slam but instead there was heaving from the bathroom and alec was quick to rush down the hall after jace.

*

alec had been gone for hours when magnus finally made it out of bed. he didn’t bother with getting out of his silk pajamas and his hair was a floppy mess when he made it to the kitchen and put the kettle on. 

magnus spotted Jace out on the balcony and even though the sun was high and bright, there was a nice cool breeze blowing and magnus recognized the sweater that jace was wearing as alec’s. 

jace was sitting on the couch outside, petting all of the cats that had taken a residence in magnus’ loft. chairman meow nuzzled into jace’s side and magnus saw the smile that spread across jace’s pink lips as the blonde picked up the cat and cradled him to his chest.

magnus cleared his throat as he stepped outside with two mugs in his hands, offering jace one and sat next to him.“izzy called, max is gonna come from idris for a few days. he’s been hell bent on coming to see you unless you’re not up for it?” 

jace tapped the side of the mug as he thought about max. he could barely remember what the youngest lightwood looked like and he could only imagine what two years did for him. even more surprising that he remembered him, he was so young when jace was taken.

jace shrugged as he brought the mug to his mouth.

they sat out there for a good while, the cats purring in happiness at all the attention they were getting, sprawled out between them and it was relaxing and jace yawned as he scratched one of the cats behind the ear.

“do you wanna go nap? i’ll wake you for dinner.”

Jace looked down at the lazy cat with it’s head resting on his thigh and gently moved it before standing up and heading inside.

*

jace was lying on his side facing the wall when a knock came to his door and he glanced over his shoulder when the door opened, max was standing there. he was almost a teenager now and his gangly body reminded him of alec when puberty hit. max was no longer a little kid and he hated that he missed him growing up.

“mags and alec told me to leave you alone right now but i just really wanted to see you.”

jace nodded as he sat up and max came in practically launching himself into jace on the bed and it brought a smile to jace’s face as the youngest lightwood wrapped his arms around jace’s neck as jace rubbed his hand down max’s spine.

“i’m so glad you’re back.” max whispered out next to jace’s ear and jace was sure his heart was going to burst from his chest.

they laid in the bed together, max using jace’s bicep as a pillow as jace let max ramble on about everything that max deemed was important enough to tell jace that he had missed. 

magnus had thrown the best rune party for max, it was glitzy and glamorous and everything a rune party should have been but there was only one thing missing, jace, but magnus had tried his best to distract everyone from that.

max lifted his shirt sleeve up and showed jace the first rune he got on his forearm. Jace noticed there were quite a few more to. Jace had never been more proud.

clary had briefly dated simon until izzy caught her eye and it wasn’t until the clave took jocelyn, maryse, and robert that their relationship was solidified.

simon managed to grab raphael’s attention.”but how raph puts up with simon is beyond me.” max had retorted.

max went quiet for a moment as he tapped at jace’s wrist bone.”alec, though. half of his soul was missing and he couldn’t trace you and nearly killed himself trying. i wanted to live with magnus and alec after mom and dad but the clave deemed idris safer which i understand now but then, i had lost my parents and brother and i was losing another one.”

Jace and max locked eyes for a second and max hunkered down closer to jace.

“i’m really glad you’re home.”

*

max swiped a triangle of pancake in syrup and stuffed it into his mouth as he ate at the counter as alec whipped up another batch. there was flour on almost every surface in the kitchen and on alec’s clothes and even his nose.

“do you think he’ll ever talk again?”

alec rubbed at his forehead and shrugged. ”your guess is good as any.”

“but he is jace, right? not like some pod person?”

alec whopped max on the shoulder with the spatula.

“ow. jerk.” max rubbed at his shoulder.

“he’s not a pod person or whatever. he’s been through some traumatic things and sometimes mutism is a side effect. Just like his night terrors and the screams and the way he refuses to turn off a light.”

“i can't remember what he sounds like.” max’s eyes raise to alec’s and the look on max’s face breaks alec’s heart.

max had always hero worshipped jace, he was the poster child for shadowhunters, the shadowhunter to thrive to be. he exuded confidence with that cocky smile and the wit to back it up. 

It’s what made alec fall in love with jace when jace first came to live with the lightwoods.

alec kind of worshipped him too.

*

alec bolted up in bed, a sheen of sweat covering him as he strained his hearing for the sound that had awoken him. he looked over next to him, magnus was sound asleep. alec thought for a second that he had dreamed it and was about to lay back down when he heard it again and he quickly realized it was coming from down the hall. it was jace screaming.

alec quickly threw the sheets off and padded down the hallway to jace’s room, pushing the door open and sitting on the edge of jace’s bed. he gently shook jace’s shoulder who was flailing around on the bed and jace’s fist connected with alec’s eye.

“oh, shit.” alec rubbed at his eye as he grabbed jace’s wrist as he shook him harder and finally jace’s eyes shot open in a panic, his breathing was erratic and the look of fright was on his face. ”hey. hey. you’re okay. you were just having a nightmare.”

jace jerked his wrist from alec’s grasp and sat up in bed, the covers bunching at his waist.

“do you want a glass of water?” 

jace said nothing but picked at a loose thread on his the comforter. alec rose from the bed and left the room but a moment later, he was handing jace a full glass of water.

"i know i haven't been around much since you got back but i just-” a sigh left his mouth as he thought.” i need to be out there trying to find him. i don't know, to end him. for what he has done to you. to all of us.”

jace’s finger circled the rim of the glass.

"i also know that i should apologize for asking magnus to pull some memories from you but honestly, i'm not sorry because i would do anything to track that bastard down for hurting you. you've always been the number one priority but i am sorry that i failed you in that.”

a pregnant pause lingered and alec stood up but jace’s hand reached out and his fingers graze alec's. alec tuned to look down at him, his brow furrowing in confusion but jace sat his glass down on the night table and stood up and molded himself around alec.

jace was hugging alec.

it took a nanosecond before alec wrapped his arms around jace so tight he could break ribs.

*

archer was on the tv, a bowl of soggy cereal rested on jace's thigh as his feet were propped up on the coffee table but his entire attention was locked on magnus and alec in the kitchen, smiles were on both of their faces. alec's arms were locked around magnus' neck and magnus' hands were low on alec's hips, his fingers pressing up the material of alec's shirt, and jace could see inches of exposed skin, the v of his hips and they were talking but jace didn't know what about but he felt a tingling spark low in his gut and he wished he could be that happy.

*

jace sat in the middle of his bed with his legs criss-crossed as he stared at the cream colored envelope that max had given him the morning he returned to idris. his name was written in maryse's elegant cursive writing and though they had their ups and downs, she was the only mother he had known. he bit on the inside of his cheek and picked at the skin around his thumb until it bled.

he wasn't sure what the letter inside said but max had reassured him that maryse had missed him, had cried for him just like any mom would couldn't find their missing child and she went willingly to be jailed in idris to pay her dues and in help to find valentine for the safe return of jace.

the envelope weighed heavy in his hands and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that yet. with a hefty sigh, he shoved the unopened letter into the nightstand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are welcomed!
> 
> im also on tumblr! jxcewaylxnd.tumblr.com


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it's taken me so long to update!

it was a little after one in the morning.

jace was laying on his bed, he had sweats on and a black hoodie that belonged to alec. he laid with his ankles crossed and his hands hooked behind his head.

he knew more often than not that alec and magnus tried to keep it down but jace had noticed anytime alec came home late from patrolling, deflated with lost hope shining in his eyes, that alec would be a moaning mess down the hall and jace could hear magnus’ low murmuring of words and it would make alec whine.

jace threw his legs over the bed and quietly cracked his door open, the noises more clear now as he headed down to the bathroom where he pissed and brushed his teeth for good measure.

he stopped at their bedroom, the door was lightly ajar and jace pressed his face against the frame. alec's back was arched off the bed, his head thrown back and his fingers twisting in the sheets as magnus' hands held the back of his thighs as magnus slowly inched in and out of alec and by the noise alec was making, hitting his spot with each pump.

a gasp left jace's mouth as he tried to turn away but seeing alec so wrecked was mesmerizing and he could feel his stomach coiling into knots at that thought.

magnus' head jerked over his shoulder, his cat eyes flashed and they caught jace's mismatched one and from then, magnus made pleasuring alec into a show until alec was boneless and painted in come.

magnus cleaned alec up as best as he could, peppered his face in kisses and praises before tucking the sheets around him. he put on his satin robe and that's when he noticed jace was no longer standing in the doorway but he found jace in the kitchen, the back light from the fridge illuminating jace's blonde hair like a halo and magnus didn't think he looked more goddamn gorgeous than he did at that moment.

jace craned his neck, a blush heating up his face as magnus held a hard stare and for a moment, jace thought magnus was going to yell at him about spying on them but instead his lips quirked into a smirk and he stepped closer to jace like a cat stalking his prey and the glow of magnus' tan skin made jace's legs feel like jello.

magnus pressed a hand to jace's cheek and jace nuzzled his face into the touch. he reached up and covered magnus' hand with his own before moving it to the side of his head and magnus saw a flash of something and tried to jerk his hand away but jace pressed firmly onto his hand as his different colored eyes met magnus' soft brown ones and magnus realized what jace was doing.

it's like a movie on fast forward, it's quick and sporadic but magnus can't see much which meant jace was mostly bathed in darkness then it quickly flashed to pain and the burning of jace's skin and jace's screams take magnus' breath away like he was sucker punched.

there's blood. lots and lots of blood and pain and violence that squeezes magnus' chest like a vice but it was the lashings that made magnus want to claw out of his skin. he could feel the sting of skin rip open every time the leather whip clashed against jace's back in a sick crack.

magnus forced himself to pull his hand from jace and they're both out of breath and there's tears shining in jace's eyes as magnus realized that they're tears running down his cheeks.

magnus tried to process everything he had just seen and to know that that was only the scratch at the surface for what jace had to have endured for almost three years and magnus' heart sank to his stomach.

magnus' hand curled gently around jace's neck as he pulled the blonde toward him and he pressed his lips against jace's because he didn't have words to express how he felt but jace was stiff against him. magnus moved his lips against jace's, the tip of his tongue swiping across the seam of jace's mouth.

the kiss broke when jace's hands came up and shoved at magnus' chest. jace wiped at his mouth as he quickly moved past magnus going back to his room.

magnus sighed and bit at his bottom lip wondering if he had just fucked jace up even more. he went back to the bedroom, curled around alec as he kissed along the column of alec's throat, alec humming as his eyes attempted to open.

"jace let me pull memories from him last night."

"what?"alec's eyebrows furrowed."and?"

"he watched us. he watched as _you_ got fucked."

"i meant about the- wait, what?" alec asked as he pressed up on his elbows.

magnus gave alec a pointed look."seems your shadowhunter is a bit of a voyeurist."

alec could feel his face heating up at the idea of jace watching, he cleared his throat."what, uh, about his memories?"

"it was excruciating to watch through him. his pain was consuming and it was worse than we probably ever thought." magnus kissed alec long and deep."i think we shouldn't press the subject anymore."

alec nodded as they settled into bed and there were a few beats of silence before alec looked at magnus."what does him watching us mean?"

"he's your parabatai." magnus slid his foot between alec's."you tell me, doll."

alec only wished he knew.

*

jace knew he was suppose to hear but he did and that's something he can't erase from his mind no matter how hard he tried.

magnus and alec were sitting at the table, magnus had a bowl of fruit in front of him while alec held up the newspaper. his voice low but hard."twenty-six mysterious deaths. aldertree called to tell me they were all downworlders."

jace doesn't know how but it's his fault. he remembers while he was with valentine, all he thought about was to survive but at night, alone in the dark and the quiet that was so deafening, was how to kill himself and it wasn't because he didn't think he was strong enough to survive but because he wouldn't give valentine the satisfaction of knowing he was the strongest shadowhunter that he was raised to be like valentine had intended all along.

but the only thing that really kept him from going over the edge was the inkling of alec in the far corners of his brain. he didn't think he could bare the thought of breaking alec. being the cause of alec's pain that he would leave behind. the soul shattering effect his death would place upon his parabatai was to much for jace.

but the thought of killing himself was never far from the surface.

magnus glanced toward him and gave a smile."care for breakfast? alexander made eggs and bacon."

jace shuffled into the kitchen and jace can barely look at the two of them knowing what happened last night but neither one of them looked bothered and he's not what to make of that.

magnus stood up and put his mug into the sink as he pulled alec to him by his waist and jace couldn't help but watch as magnus kissed alec soft and gentle and jace realized then the feeling that tangled with his guts was jealousy because he wanted nothing more than in that moment to be apart of what magnus and alec had, to be between the two and have them look at him like they looked at each other.

magnus pressed a kiss to the crown of his head before he as heading toward the door.

"magnus will be gone for a bit today, a few things to tie up. do you wanna go to the market with me? i'll buy you froyo." alec said with a bright smile on his face.

*

jace couldn't remember the last time he had been out, it was a bit overwhelming as everything made his feel on edge. it was too noisy and too many people surrounding him and he felt like he could throw up any minute.

alec, though, talked and talked and jace wasn't really sure what he was even talking about but he forgot just how much he missed alec's voice until now.

the farmers market on the corner came into view and alec began to ramble on about some asian fusion recipe he had been wanting to make as he went around picking up fruits and vegetables that jace had never heard of before.

jace picked up a shiny green apple but Alec was quick to pluck it from his fingers.

"whoa, you're allergic to apples."

jace watched as alec put the apple back with the bushel and thought of the irony that he could survive two years with valentine but a fucking apple could be the thing to put him in his grave.

"c'mon, froyos are calling our names."

*

as they walked, alec's fingers tangled with jace's pinky and jace quickly jerked his hand away at the contact as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. 

"too cool to hold my hand now?"

jace's eyes met alec's, they're glinting and a there's a smile tugging at the corners of his lips and jace isn't sure what to think about it but alec doesn't push the subject as they enter the frozen yogurt shop.

there aren't a lot of people inside which was a small miracle for jace. he lingered by the display case as alec ordered for the both of them, jace pointing toward the gummie bears for a topping and alec added that on to the order.

they decided to eat outside at one of the picnic tables. they ate mostly in silence and the subject of last night was on the back of alec's tongue but he couldn't seem to spit the words out, not knowing how jace would react or what he was even thinking.

and alec couldn't help if his heart fluttered at the idea of jace enjoying what he saw last night, watching as magnus slowly fucked into him and alec would be lying if he said he didn't quite like the idea of the three of them together.

*

alec was in the kitchen cooking along with some tutorial of the dish he was making on his ipad. jace had gone to shower almost an hour ago and alec turned the heat down on the stove as he padded down to the bathroom. he gave a knock but jace didn't respond but he could hear the shower water still running.

alec popped his head into the bathroom anyway but his face dropped as he saw jace standing in nothing but a towel at the sink. there was blood everywhere and once jace saw alec standing there, the razor fell from between his fingers, clinking in the sink.

"jesus, jace! what the fuck are you doing?" alec rushed to jace who just stood there with wide eyes and a parted mouth as blood ran down his arm, dripping on the tile floor next to his feet. alec grabbed a wash cloth and held it against jace's wrist, the blood covering the white towel like a rorschach inkblot and it made alec almost sick to his stomach."jace."

jace finally lifts his eyes, alec doesn't know what he's doing but suddenly, he crashes his mouth to jaces and jace is frozen against him but alec presses himself closer to him, his hand settling on jace's hip as he kissed him, his tongue sweeping across jace's mouth. and alec can feel the sharp intake of breath that jaces takes as his mouth slowly begin to move against alec's.

jace pushed him away as soon as alec's thumb grazed the textured skin where his parabatai rune used to be etched into his skin. he wiped his mouth and began to walk out of the bathroom but alec was quick to shoot his hand out and grab jace by the forearm, whipping him around until he was backed up against the wall.

"magnus and i weren't kidding when we said you didn't have to fight this alone. i know i have no idea what valentine did to you but _fuck_ , i'm still here. i've been here for two years trying to get you back and i'll never stop trying to get _you_ back." he cupped jace's face trying to read his expression but jace doesn't meet his eyes.

there was silence between them for a second and alec let out a sigh as his head dropped but it was jace though whose hand came up and touched his jaw and alec doesn't hesitate to press his mouth against jace's and it doesn't take but just a second for jace to respond this time as he kisses alec back. it's sloppy and uncoordinated but alec could feel his dick start to stiffen in his jeans and he wants to feel bad about it but he couldn't bring himself to, not with the way jace was kissing him. 

jace pulled alec closer if that were possible, alec lined their crotches up, the friction from the seam of his jeans worked him the right way. he undoes the towel around jace's slim hips, letting it around jace's feet as alec rolled his hips forward and rubbed against jace's flaccid cock, a sigh fell from jace's lip as he licked into alec's mouth.

alec reached down between them and singlehandedly unfastened his jeans, shoving them down his thighs just enough to get his cock out. he rubbed himself just a bit, precome beading at the head, spreading it along his length as he sucked a bruise into jace's neck. 

jace had his head thrown back and his eyes screwed shut as alec nipped at his skin. alec's breath ghosted over the sensitive skin causing goose bumps to arise and it sent a tingle through jace. his eyes popped open as soon as alec's hand wrapped around his cock, pumping it through his fist.

he knocked alec's hand away as he began to jerk himself, trying to get some sort of blood flowing but his touch was foreign as he couldn't remember the last time he had been touched.

alec's mouth was back on his, it was nothing but tongue and clattering of teeth as alec jerked himself as beads of sweat collected at his hairline.

jace wrapped his hand over alec's, forgoing his own cock, as he nipped at alec's bottom lip.

a sigh fell into jace's mouth as alec whispered out his name like a prayer as he spills over their hands.

alec let his head fall onto jace's shoulder as jace carded his fingers through alec's dark hair and pressed a kiss to the side of alec's head before he was bending down, picking up the towel and hurrying out of the bathroom.

alec rubbed at his face as he leaned his back against the wall. his spent cock resting uncomfortably at the waistband of his boxers and jeans as he looked down at blood and come staining his clothes.

*

alec was sitting on the couch drinking from a bottle of pinot grigio when the door of the loft opened and magnus came in. magnus removed his jacket as he leaned down and placed a kiss on alec's mouth. his brow furrowing as he tugged at alec's shirt.

"what happened here?"

alec threw his head back against the couch and practically groaned."it's not mine." his voice softened as he sat the bottle of wine down and looked up at magnus."i caught jace in the bathroom slitting his wrists."

magnus' heart cracked.

alec stood and wrapped his arms around magnus and burrowed his face into the crook of magnus' neck."i love him, magnus. i have always loved him and i can't do anything for him. he's so dead inside and i hate that i couldn't fight harder for him. that i didn't find him sooner. he was alone and suffered by himself and i don't know what's going on in his head. he doesn't talk. and i _fucking_ hate valentine. i hate him more than i've ever hated anymore. i want to fucking kill him for what he's done to jace but i can't even find him to do that."

alec was openly sobbing and magnus just held him, rubbing his hand up and down alec's back.

"c'mon, let's get you to bed." 

alec didn't protest as magnus ushered him to their bedroom and pulled his clothes off in the process until alec was in nothing but his underwear and under the heavy blankets. magnus stayed next to alec until he's fast asleep and he slipped out of bed and went down to jace's room. he doesn't knock, just cracked the door open and jace's back was facing him. 

magnus shut the door behind him with a quiet click. he sat on the bed, his hand carding through jace's tangled hair."alexander told me what happened."

jace rolled over, there's tears glistening in his eyes and his face was blotchy and magnus could only imagine how he must be feeling at the moment. magnus ran a finger down jace's nose before settling into the bed next to him.

"my mother took her own life, did you know that?" magnus looked for a reaction from jace and he saw jace's eyes downcast."the difference though is my mother didn't give a shit about the cause of her actions. she was ashamed of having me as her son because of what i am. you, though, you care so much about alec and the effects your death would have on him but not only him. and i do hope by now you know just how much your death would effect me as well, shadowhunter. i've grown quite fond of you. you survived the worst so don't let your death be from your own hand. you are strong but you don't have to rely on yourself because alexander and i both have you if you'd just let us."

jace wiped at his face as magnus leaned over and pressed a tender kiss to jace's temple before getting up. magnus' hand lingered on the door handle as he glanced to jace over his shoulder, wanting to tell him that he was safe with alec and himself, that they wanted nothing more to protect him from all the bad in the world, that they would take all the pain anyway if they could because jace wayland never fucking deserved it and most of all, he wanted to tell jace how much he and alec were in fucking love with him but he doesn't.

"goodnight, shadowhunter. get some sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> one chapter left!


	4. iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, uh, so. it's been like six months or whatever which i'm terribly sorry about! but things just popped up and thanks to the sweet anon on tumblr who motivated me into actually getting this fic in gear but please heed the new tags (END GAME IS STILL THE SAME) but if that bothers you, you can easily skip it and it won't make a difference! also, chapter amount changed because it felt too rushed to post all in one go but IT WON'T BE SIX DAMN MONTHS TO POST pls be patient with me
> 
> i know this chapter reads a bit like a filler but it's important so that chapter 5 can wrap everything up nicely!

jace was out with simon and raphael, alec said it would be good for him to get out of the loft but jace was sure it was more for alec and magnus’ benefit than his, they had been watching him like a hawk since the incident in the bathroom and well, it was exhausting and suffocating so he could only imagine how it felt on their end.

he picked the scab on his wrist under the table, he could feel the stickiness of blood coating his fingers, trapped beneath his fingernails. jace was slowly drowning and he didn't even care to swim, he could just sink to the bottom until his lungs burst and let the water cleanse him from the inside out. he sighed as he scrubbed a hand over his face, he could feel the fledgling of a headache coming on and he just wanted to crawl into bed.

jace nearly knocked over his half drank cherry coke when simon touched his arm, startling him and simon raised an eyebrow at the reaction and looked at him like he was a wild animal and he wondered if that’s what he was, just a wounded animal that spooked easily now. 

if that’s what he would always be.

“you want dessert?” simon asked as he was already waving the waiter over.

jace didn’t acknowledge him as he scooted his chair back against the tile flooring and headed for the bathroom. he was alone in the bathroom, the harsh lighting made the bags under his eyes more prominent and his skin sickly gray. he was a goddamn mess.

he gathered up a droplet of blood that seeped from the now open wound on his index finger and drew a smiley face onto the mirror, letting it stare back at him as he washed his hands, the water going down the drain a light pink.

simon was waiting for him outside of the bathroom door with a container of tiramisu."alec said you would like it."

jace shrugged as simon handed him his jacket.

"raph's paid and got us a cab waiting." simon said as jace followed along side of him out of the restaurant

*

alec and magnus were at the door when simon pushed it open, jace walked in behind him and leaving the adults to chat about his behavior and whether he ate his dinner and really, jace could laugh at the situation.

he could hear their hush tones as he padded down the hallway and into his room but before he shut the door, he could hear simon.

“he seemed alright, right?” he could see simon cocking his head toward raphael for validation and raphael nodding along.”it’s just been a few weeks, he has to get settled and whatever. he’ll be back to his old self at some point?” 

jace didn't know if simon was referring to pre-valentine or post-slicing his wrist open but either way, it was the million dollar question. he shut the his door with a tiny click, rested his forehead on the back of the door.

*

when jace awoke it was still dark but his bedside light was on, giving the room a warm glow. he blinked awake at the face gazing down at him but he must have been dreaming the fire of red hair in ringlets surrounding the face of an angel.

she reached down and ran her fingers through his long blonde hair, she had tears shining in her eyes. it made her eyes even greener, like gemstones."i didn't mean to wake you but i just couldn't wait to see you."

he rubbed at his eyes as he scooted up the bed and she reached forward, pulled him into a hug. his nose was in her hair as her head was on his shoulder and her hair smelled of strawberries. she pulled back and her hand grabbed his hands, turning one of his hands over. her finger tracing over the nearly healed line.

"magnus told us what happened and no one blames you for that. you're going through a lot and you're trying to handle it but maybe it would be a good idea if you saw someone, professionally talked to someone about this." she rubbed at his wrist.

a shrink, he swallowed as he jerked his hands from hers and crossed his arms, stuffing his hands into his arm pits. 

clary's face softened."none of us, including you, know what to really deal with this." she pushed a ringlet behind her ear. "you're my brother. the only family i have left and i can't lose you because i wouldn't know what to do without you."

his eyes flashed to hers and even if he could speak, he wouldn't have it in his heart to tell her that he wasn't her brother. that jonathan was still out there for her to find.

“we never gave up on you so please don't give up on us just yet.” she forced a smile as she stood up and kissed his forehead.”go back to sleep. i'll be here in the morning.”

he settled back into bed as she closed the door as she left his room and jace curled into himself.

when he awoke again, it was bright in his bedroom. he rubbed his face and pushed his hair from his face, he could only remember the moments of red hair and it made him remember that he was awoken in the middle of the night and he quickly sat up and he quietly opened his door and he could hear clary’s voice carrying throughout the quiet loft and he padded out into the hallway just as she turned around.

“yeah, i’ll call you back, iz.” and ended the phone call and shoved her phone into her jean's pocket and wrapped her arms around his waist."did you sleep well?" she asked as he tugged him toward the kitchen."want coffee and a bagel?" she held up the box of bagels from a cafe down the block."magnus went off to do a few warding spells and alec went off to patrol around red hook or something."

jace got settled into a kitchen chair, pulling apart a bagel with a hot cup of coffee as she sat next to him with her chin in her palm, elbow on the table and he raised an eyebrow toward her and she jerked her elbow off the table, giving him a smile.

"it's just i forgot sometimes what you looked like. i tried to think about you all the time so i wouldn't forget and i sketched you as often as i could." she pulled several sketchbooks from a pile on the table and flapped through them, jace was etched in charcoal and ink, in different poses and some were just his face, his eyes, or full bodied, he was unrecognizable as he pulled a book toward him, wiping away crumbs on the table as he turned page after page. the full bodied ones were hard to even look at because they were full of his runes that he no longer had and she seemed to notice his dismay because she cleared her throat and closed the book and stacked it back with the others."do you wanna go to central park with me? feed some ducks or something?" she asked

*

they walked leisurely around the park, feeding a few ducks the allotted food from the machines that were stationed around the park. she didn't speak much and if so, it was just offhanded comments and even though he knew that clary was around to partially watch over him, it was a nice change of scenery but she wasn't overbearing. he had missed her and he knew it was mutual and no matter whether they were blood related or not, jace not knowing where he belonged within the world, they were family and maybe at one point, he thought he was in love with her because who wouldn't be? but maybe he loved the idea of her loving him back because he so desperately craved that affection but it had always been alec and he was just too scared to put that out there, afraid of the repercussions from both the clave and the only family that took him in.

they were walking back when she pointed to a food truck."let's get hot chocolate and a pretzel." she pulled him over and ordered for them, handing the hot chocolate and pretzel to him and they walked and ate in silence until they were inside the loft. 

magnus was in the kitchen cooking and he poked his head out."i hope you two didn't spoil your dinner." he threatened with a spatula and clary laughed as she kissed his cheek and leaned over the stove.

"we would never. smells good." she grabbed plates and utensils as she began setting the table."where's alec?"

"he's running a bit late."

jace wondered what was holding him up but magnus didn't look bothered by it and he had no reason to worry because alec walked in the door just as magnus was dishing out the food. they sat at the table and ate together in comfortable conversation that was light and with a few laughs.

*

jace watched as clary packed up the few belongings she had brought with her into her suitcase. she turned to him and gave him a smile, she cupped his stubbled jaw."don't look so pouty, grumpy. i'll be back in no time, isabelle and max too."

jace nodded as he pulled clary's tiny frame against him, he kissed the top of her head. she still smelled like strawberries.

"don't be so hard on alec and magnus, they're doing the best, okay?"

he rolled his multicolored eyes and she laughed as alec materialized behind jace.

"magnus is ready for the portal."

clary nodded as she picked up her suitcase and walked with jace next to her down the hallway and into the living room where a portal was beginning to open. she hugged alec and jace tightly before she hugged magnus, kissing his cheek before stepping through and she was gone and the portal too.

jace huffed out a sigh as he dredged back down to his bedroom and shut the door. he sat on his bed and after a moment, he dug around in his nightstand, pulling out a sealed envelope that he still couldn't open but he thumbed at the edge, giving himself a paper cut in the process, leaving a tiny smear of blood on the white edge. he dragged his thumb across his name on the envelope and pressed it to his face as he could feel the hot pin pricks of tears at his eyes. he quickly tore open the envelope and slid the neatly folded sheet of paper out.

he couldn't even get past the first line on the paper before it was pulling out of wracking sob from him and he skipped the rest, going straight to the bottom where maryse had signed it _Mom_ in elegant print and he cried harder.

*

it began to pour down just as Jace stepped into hunter’s moon, his eyes scanning the patrons until they landed on maia behind the bar and she gave him a big smile as she grabbed a glass from under the bar and began to fill it with with beer, placing it on a napkin in front of an empty seat.

“should i give alec or magnus a call? let them know you’re here?” 

he rolled his eyes as he removed his jacket, slinging it over the back of his chair as he sat and picked up his beer and that earned a smile from her as she leaned over the bar on her forearms.” how are you holding up?”

jace licked the beer from his lips he met her eyes, grabbed a handful of pretzels as his mouth turned grim and he wondered if alec and magnus had told everyone what he had done and he wondered if the the look on maia’s face was of pity for a split second but maia had never been one to feel sorry for anyone, much less jace wayland.

maia sighed as she turned around and filled two shot glasses with tequila before sliding one in front of him and jace wasted no time in throwing it down the hatch, letting the amber liquid burn his chest and chasing it down with the rest of his beer.

she reached out, ignoring his flinch, and pushed his unkempt hair away from his face.”you are still jace wayland and nobody, not even fucking valentine, can take that away from you.”

jace couldn’t meet her eyes, couldn’t let her see the weakness in his eyes as his eyes burned with tears but instead, he dragged his index finger through condensation on the glass. she jerked his hand up and kissed his knuckles before she was getting him a refill.

Jace stuck around eating stale pretzels and letting maia feed him beer after beer until jace was loose limbed and maia’s shift was over.

“let me walk you to the loft?”

he nodded as he stood up and slipped his jacket on as they stepped outside, the air hot and muggy now that the rain had seemed to subside.

“do you wanna grab a cab instead?” she asked as she looked over at him as they stood at the edge of the curb and just as she was about to throw a hand up to wave down a taxi, jace grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him and before she could say anything, his lips were crushing against hers.

“Jace.” maia said as she pressed a hand against his chest, breaking the kiss.”you’re drunk and i don’t think this is a good idea.” she cupped his jaw, letting her thumb sweep over his plump bottom lip but he dipped his head and caught her lips into another kiss that she couldn't bring herself to break until jace pulled her toward the alley behind hunter’s moon.

maia’s hands were in his hair as his hands skirted up her blouse, she was warm and safe and smelled amazing like floral. he pressed a knee between her thighs, putting friction on the inseam of her jeans against her clit if her gasp was anything to go by and she pulled back, arched her back, rolling her hips forward.

she pulled his face to her, kissing him deep and firm, licking into his mouth, sharing panting breaths as he quickly unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans just enough so he could shove his hand inside, feeling the dampness of her panties against his finger tips. he rubbed her clit through the thin material had her slack jawed as he nipped at her neck.

"jace." maia gave a whine as she tugged at his hair."don't tease." 

he huffed out a laugh against her throat as his fingers shoved the material over as he could feel the smoothness of her cunt against his fingers as he gathered her slick with his fingers, rubbing it all over her lips before slipping a finger inside her, all wet and velvety warm.

he pumped his finger inside of her, stretching her nice and easy before adding a second then a third, letting the knuckle of his thumb graze over her clit, she whimpered as she bucked her hips forward as he sucked a bruise into her neck. she reached between them and rubbed at her clit."jace." she moaned. "don't stop, okay?"

jace crooked his fingers just right as she rolled her hips and jace could feel the walls of her cunt constrict around his fingers and with a stutter of a whine, her body went rigid as she came all over his fingers and he pulled his fingers free of her and licked them clean as she giggled, zipped her fly and enveloped herself in his arms, and pecked him on the lips.”let’s get you home.”

*

jace quietly shut the loft door and when he turned around, his heart nearly leapt from his chest because alec and magnus were sitting on the couches, opposite one another before jumping to their feet.

”where the fuck have you been? you haven't answered any of our texts.” alec nearly yelled but jace just continued to kick his boots off. he dug his hand into his jeans and shook his phone like it was an answer as he tossed it on the table. magnus picked it up, it was dead and he gently pressed a hand to alec’s chest but alec swatted it away."jesus, are you fucking drunk?"

jace dropped his leather jacket on the arm chair as he gave alec a pointed look, his eyes glassy and bloodshot.

“calm yourself, alexander.”

alec’s jaw clenched as he shifted his gaze to magnus.”calm down? we had no idea where he was or what he was doing or-” he took a deep breath as the words rested just on the tip of his tongue.”valentine is still out there, jace.”

“alexander.” magnus quipped in a sharp tone. alec’s face softened even though his fists clenched at his sides.

“right. we were just worried about you. it would have been nice if you could have texted to let us know that you weren’t going to be home for dinner.” 

jace doesn’t look at either of them as he continued to strip his clothes off, kicking his jeans and boxers to the side, standing there completely naked. he pushed past them both as he closed the bathroom door behind him with a slam, resting his forehead against the back of it. he could hear them talking but it was muted by the closed door and it was no doubt them arguing about him.

he turned the shower on and climbed in, letting the scalding water run over him until it ran cold. he toweled dried off, swathing it around his waist as he let the ends of his hair drip down his back. when he opened the bathroom door, all the lights were off except the warm glow from the sconces in the hallway. the loft is quiet otherwise as he closed himself in his bedroom and climbed into the bed, pulled his sheets up to his chest.

*

most days were uneventful, jace lazing around the loft with magnus watching crappy tv while alec was off doing whatever the clave asked him to do much to alec's chagrin and alec took to cuddling him close on the couch whenever magnus was called away for refreshing wards, making sure they held up to protect the city from unwanted guests. simon came by often to bring jace new graphic novels and yap about them. he helped magnus cook most nights that he's around, earning him praises that coated his cheeks in a warm flush. magnus even let him have a balcony garden that he tended to, growing his own fruits and vegetables even though they were puny little things but magnus still insisted on using them in his recipes.

he left magnus and alec in the kitchen as magnus was teaching alec and jace how to make homemade pasta to go to the bathroom and he closed the door quietly behind him. he took a quick piss and washed his hands and as he glanced into the mirror, he could see the difference in himself. he was no longer the frail and malnourished man they brought back, he didn't have much muscle anymore but he had puppy fat around his waist now, his ribs weren't so prominent now and his face was no longer gaunt, shadows of bones underneath skin. he looked _healthy_. 

it was still a weird thing to his body without runes but that was for a different day. 

his hair though was long and a blonde mess of frizz and knots, he kept it tied up most days because it was just easier to deal with it. he reached under the sink, rifling through the cabinet until he found the shaver and plugged it in the socket and letting it buzz to life before running the shaver over his head, letting clumps of hair fall on his shoulders until his entire head was free of the blonde locks. he turned it off, ran his hand over the buzz cut and it was patchy but for now, the weight was shed and it would do for now. 

he cleaned up the mess of hair as best as he could, put the shavers back and washed his hands and went back into the kitchen and he didn't know what magnus had said to make alec laugh but alec was tasting the sauce until his eyes landed on jace and his eyes widened and his mouth dropped.

"jace."

jace ran his hand over his head, feeling a bit self-conscious now that he had just cut off his own hair but alec was standing in front of him with a smile on his face as he ran his hand over his head.

"feels better, i bet."

jace nodded with a hint of a smile on his lips and magnus gave him an approving smile.

"looking like your old self, shadowhunter."

* 

it had been a few days since he had chopped his hair off and simon couldn't stop rubbing his head and even tried to rub his cheek on the buzzed hair but jace shoved him off, knocking him to the floor with a _you deserved that_ look and simon stayed on the floor for the remainder of his time in the loft as he babbled on about the wonder woman movie that jace needed to see.

both alec and magnus were out, something important had come up and even though he had simon for company, the loft felt empty. it was late when magnus came home and simon promptly made himself scarce and magnus and jace ate fajitas and sat on the couch and watched seinfeld reruns. jace helped do the dishes while magnus dried and put them away. jace rubbed at his neck and magnus ran his hands down his back, using a bit of his mojo and he kissed jace at the nape of his neck.

"i missed you today my sweet boy."

jace bowed his head before he turned around and wrapped his arms around magnus' neck, burrowing his face into his shoulder.

"c'mon, let's get you to bed."

*

jace awoke to loud shouting and for a second, he was disoriented, maybe it was nothing more than just a nightmare but there it was again. he threw the sheets off and cracked open his door and listened for a second.

“that shit fucking hurts.” 

jace padded down the hallway and peeked around the corner and alec was sitting in the armchair, bloodied and bruised. magnus' blue spark running over his shoulder. alec groaned as he sweated bullets and he looked miserable and jace bit at his lip.

“maybe you shouldn’t tango with a shax demon then, babe.”

“oh, fuck you.” he laughed but it quickly bled into a hiss. alec’s hazel eyes met his and he beckoned him over with an index finger and jace slowly moved over to alec who grabbed his hand, squeezing it as he grimaced."it's just a shax demon wound, nothing i can't handle. you remember those bastards, right? you've tangled with your fair share." he tried to smile but it was pained.

jace watched as magnus continue to use his magic healing alec, the wound was oozing and black veins spiraled up and around alec's shoulder. alec was nearly panting as his breathing was erratic and he was soaked with sweat as he screwed his eyes shut and before long, alec's breathing slowed and magnus collapsed onto the carpet. alec let go of jace's hand as he fished out his stele, running it over his iratz rune with a hiss, letting his stele fall to the floor.

magnus stood up and poured three fingers of whiskey, handing it alec."drink up." he said as he bandaged the wound with a grunt from alec as he downed the amber liquid.”c’mon, it’s bedtime.” magnus said as he slipped an arm around alec, hoisting him up from the chair.

jace was rooted to the spot and magnus stopped abruptly and glanced to jace behind alec’s back.”aren’t you coming, shadowhunter? It’s been a long night and there’s enough room for three.”

alec reached for jace and jace slipped his arm around him as well as the three of them clambered into the bedroom, depositing alec on the bed as magnus began to undress him, tossing the mangled clothing next to the hamper to be thrown out, leaving alec in nothing but tight black briefs.

“you can have my side if you want it.” 

jace nodded as he climbed into the bed, alec cuddling him from behind and the mattress dipped with magnus crawling in behind alec and he tried to not listen to them saying their nightly _i love you_ s because it was so intimate and it made him burn with envy but he felt magnus’ hand graze his elbow.

“goodnight, shadowhunter.”

jace settled into alec’s embrace and the warmth of the bed as he closed his eyes. the next time he opened them, he was to warm and confined and he realized that he was sandwiched between magnus and alec, his face buried in magnus’ throat with alec behind him like a barnacle and their feet were all tangled together in the sheets.

magnus stirred beside him, sliding his hand up jace’s arm, pulling hiim back down.”nightmare?” he guessed and jace shrugged.”it’s okay, lay back down, you’re safe here. c’mon.” 

it didn’t take jace but a second to wiggle back down into the warm bed and curl around magnus.

*

the next morning, magnus stood at the stove cooking bacon and pancakes as alec was at the table changing his bandage when jace came into the kitchen.

“hungry?” magnus asked just as two slices of toast popped up from the toaster. 

alec stood up and tossed his trash away as he pecked magnus on the lips and snatched a piece of toast.“i’ll be home for dinner. i'll call if that changes.” he pecked jace on the temple as he left and magnus pushed jace into a chair as he sat a plate of bacon and pancakes in front of him.

“he’s our shadowhunter and he’s stubborn as all hell but he’s doing this for the wrong reason. he’s pushing himself too much because he thinks he didn’t do enough to find you when valentine took you, _stole_ you, from alexander. he’s getting reckless and sloppy and he's going to end up getting himself killed and there’s no stopping him. e reminds me of you when you were a stubborn and big mouthed, know-it-all shadowhunter.” magnus grinned as he poured blueberry syrup over jace’s pancakes.”eat up.”

*

jace was shook awake by magnus but when he opened his eyes, alec’s tear stained face smiled back at him and quickly pushed himself into a sitting position because something wrong but alec pressed a hand to his knee and jace saw that he must have fallen asleep with magnus on the couch and it was dark out, the city lit up through the panel of windows.

“valentine was caught just outside of duchess county, he’s being brought into the city of bones. He has also requested to see you.”

jace wiped at his eyes, swallowing the lump that was stuck in his throat as he nodded at the information. alec grabbed his hand and jace couldn’t take his eyes off their joined hands, alec’s thumb grazed across his knuckles.

“you don’t have to see him, you can say no and no one would blame you for that. you never have to see that bastard again if you choose.”

jace stood up in a flash, nearly knocking alec over as he paced around the living room until he stopped in front of the wet bar, picked up a glass and hurled it across the room, the glass shattering into a million little pieces against the wall and that does it. the dam broke and jace crumbled to the floor as he sobbed, his body shaking uncontrollably. 

alec wrapped his arms around him, shushing him and placing a kiss to the crown of his head.”he’s never going to hurt you again. i swear it, jace.”

*

jace stood just in view of the door wearing nothing but his briefs and the bed sheet wrapped around him. alec stood at the door with bed head and his tight black briefs in front of aldertree who was in a pressed suit flanked by three clave members, gave the three of them a pointed look with a tight lip, magnus though at least had on one of his silky robes. aldertree cleared his throat and looked to jace.

“good morning, mr. wayland. i presume mr. lightwood has told you that we’ve got valentine in the city of bones. he requested to see you before the trial begins. inquisitor herondale was very adamant that you make your decision regarding the request quickly because this is a matter we would like to seal as quickly as we can.” he turned his attention to alec. ”now, mr. lightwood, do you think i could speak to you privately?”

alec nodded and magnus grabbed jace by the elbow as he lead him toward the balcony.”let’s go feed the kittens and have our coffee.” he nabbed one of alec’s discarded hoodie from the back of the couch and handing it over to jace who slipped it on as he stepped outside, the ground cold on his bare feet but he sat on the couch where a few of magnus’ strays like to lay around and jace scritched one behind the ears as another made itself at home in his lap as magnus came outside with two steaming cups of coffee.

they drink their coffees in silence, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation inside but it was futile. moments later though, alec stepped out, crouched in front of jace and ran his fingers through the fur of the cat kneading jace’s belly.

“you know that you don’t have to do it, you don’t have to see him, you can say no. you never have to again but magnus and i will support whatever decision to make but inquisitor herondale needs your answer by the end of the week.”

jace thought back to his time with valentine. hours turned into days that blurred into weeks then months and by the time, he had accepted he may never see freedom again, he was dropped off in the middle of central park. it had always been a game with valentine, jace wanted nothing more than to just please him, to show him that he was a good enough son and valentine knew from the moment he put in a request to see him, that jace wouldn’t be able to say no. he met alec’s hazel eyes and the look on alec’s face knew that jace had already decided.

“i’ll let inquisitor herondale know.” it was cold and distant and he stood up and it made jace’s stomach twist in knots but magnus rolled his eyes as he sat his coffee mug down and kissed jace’s forehead.

“don’t worry about him, it doesn’t change anything. if you need closure and this will help then that’s that. i’ll talk to him, alright?”

jace nodded as he focused on the cat digging its claws into his belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've made it this far, kudos and comments are truly appreciated! 
> 
> as always i'm on the tumblrdotcom at jxcewaylxnd
> 
> if there's an typos or mistakes, im sorry for that!


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